Is He the ONE?

I used to struggle with knowing who I should marry because I struggled with the idea of God’s will in general. I thought I had to figure out specific things and then do them. I thought I had to solve a mystery or figure out the hidden things that God. I thought I had to know exactly what path He wanted me to take so I could do it perfectly. Otherwise, I didn’t think I would be in the will of God. 

But the reality is that God’s Word reveals God’s will to us. His Word reveals His desires for our lives, His guidelines for how He wants us to live.

In the last post, we looked at how part of God’s will is concealed. 

“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.” 

Deuteronomy 29:29

Whatever God reveals to us is for the purpose of us being obedient. We’re not accountable to obey anything that he hasn’t revealed to us. So, does He tell us who to marry or who not to marry?  

To know God’s will, we have to look at Scripture. When we know scripture, and what it says about marriage, then we know God’s will for marriage. Then we can also be confident that we are choosing the right person.

Qualifications for Christian Dating and Marriage 

Let’s see what scripture actually says about who we should marry.  

Scripture says he must be a believer.  

“A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes. But he must belong to the Lord.”  

1 Corinthians 7:39

We can marry anyone we want as long as he belongs to the Lord. This is His instruction that we know. from His Word. Here’s another one. 

He must be a guy.  

Ladies, you cannot marry another lady. It’s against God’s will. Here’s how we know.  

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” 

Genesis 2:24 

Scripture is clear. Marriage is between one man and one woman. We can marry anybody we want if he belongs to the Lord and as long as he’s a guy. 

Sexual Purity 

Scripture also talks about other aspects of God’s will for our life. One aspect is sexual purity. 

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality;”

1 Thessalonians 4:3 

Maybe you feel like this guy you’re dating is “God’s will for your life,” but if he’s leading you to violate God’s will for your sexual purity, he’s probably not the right guy for you, at least not right now.

Husbands should love their wives the way Christ loved the church. If a guy isn’t following God’s will for his own life, it’s going to be hard for him to lead a family toward the Lord.

Walking in Wisdom 

Scripture also teaches us wisdom and how to make wise decisions about our lives.

Who we marry is such a big decision. It’s the next biggest decision after following Jesus. Who you choose to marry impacts so much of your life. It’s important to choose well.

Single ladies out there, you can still choose well!!!

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. As we know from looking at scripture earlier, we are bound to our husband as long as we live. When he dies, we’re free to re-marry, but if we’re married, we are bound to that person. 

“A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes. But he must belong to the Lord.”  

1 Corinthians 7:39

So, it’s really important to choose the right person. Scripture gives us those guidelines: he must be a believer, and he must be a guy. It also gives us wisdom concerning how to choose our spouse well.

Walking in Peace 

Scripture encourages us to pursue peace. It’s really important to choose someone who allows us to walk in the peace of God in our lives, not someone who’s angry and bitter and causing resentment and all kinds of turmoil in our lives. Life is hard enough. We should choose someone who’s going to encourage us, help us to grow in our walk with God, not constantly pull us away from God. 

We are growing with God, and we also want to be on track with someone who also wants to grow with God.  

If you’re growing with God and he doesn’t want to grow with God, then you’re going to be really limited in how you can grow. You’re bound to him as long as you live. If he’s not moving, if he’s stuck, you’re going to go in circles. It’s going to be much more difficult to move forward in your walk with God if he is resisting it. 

Discretion 

“My son, do not lose sight of these— keep sound wisdom and discretion, and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck. Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble.”

Proverbs 3:21-23 

Keep sound wisdom and discretion. Dating can be tricky because there are all kinds of emotions involved. Maybe we feel like “this is the one that God has for me,” or we start to visualize the future together and get emotionally attached. It can be difficult to keep that sound wisdom and discretion.  

Out of all the single guys who are Christian, there are going to be better matches than others. It takes wisdom to discern. There are questions that we can ask ourselves to determine, “is this a good match or not? Are we cut out to be running mates for a lifelong commitment?”A few questions to discuss are: 

• Does this guy have the same life goals?  
• Does he share my values?  
• Can we support one another?  
• Do we love each other?  
• Do we respect each other?  
• Do we both want kids? And if we can’t have kids, what are we going to do?  

There are many different choices that we must make when we’re choosing the right guy. My husband and I really enjoyed a book called 101 Questions to Ask Before Getting Engaged (As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases). That’s a highly recommended resource with lots of questions to help you process whether you’re on the same page and wanting the same types of things.  

Did God Ever Tell Someone Who to Marry? 

Are there any examples in scripture of where God told someone who to marry? 

God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. Hosea was a prophet and God prophesied through Hosea about the nation of Israel. When God told Hosea to marry a prostitute, He was giving Israel a picture of what they as a nation had done. Rather than being married to God, Israel was basically marrying a prostitute. It was walking and all kinds of sin, putting other gods before the Lord.  

When God told him to marry a prostitute, He didn’t say which one to marry. Hosea was free to choose which one. That’s the only place in Scripture where God tells someone to get married.  

What about the story of Isaac and Rebekah? Didn’t that seem to be orchestrated by the Lord?

Abraham did not want his son Isaac to take a wife from any of the foreign lands. He didn’t want him to have a foreign wife who would serve foreign gods and won’t follow after the Lord. So he sent his servant to his relatives to take a wife for Isaac.

Abraham’s servant asked God to let a woman say specific words if she was the one for Isaac. Then, Rebekah came to the well where the servant was standing and said those exact words. Pretty amazing, right? Didn’t that seem orchestrated by God?

But God never said to Isaac, “go marry this person.”  He did, however, respond to the servant’s prayer and honored Abraham by providing a suitable wife for his son Isaac.

We can learn from that story how important prayer can be in choosing the right spouse. We don’t have to figure out and choose the perfect “one,” but we can know that God works in and through our lives in ways that we don’t understand. 

Praying for your future spouse

I believe that God can bring along the best options for us if we ask him. Prayer is such an important part of choosing the right person for your life. Being still with the Lord and wrestling through emotions will help us see more clearly. 

• Do I have peace about this? 
• Is this wise? 
• Is this something that other believers in my life are encouraging me in? 
• And what do I feel like God is sharing with me about this? 
• Is he pursuing God the way I am? 
• Do we encourage each other in our walk with Him, or is either of us pulling the other away? 

We are not perfect people. We do not make all the perfect decisions all the time, and God knows that. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t pray and try to discern if God has something specific for us, but it also means that we don’t have to worry about missing His will.  

God is responsible for revealing his will. We know that from Deuteronomy 29:29, which we looked at in a previous post.

“The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.”

Deuteronomy 29:29

We can trust that His will for our life is going to be done as we obey Him in what He has already said in His Word. 

God will fulfill His purpose.

In the book of Psalms, chapter David says, “I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me (Psalm 57:2)” 

He declares, “God will fulfill his purpose for me.”  

“But he is unchangeable, and who can turn him back? What he desires, that he does. For he will complete what he appoints for me, and many such things are in his mind.” 

Job 23:13-14 

God will complete what He appoints for you. He will bring it to pass. You don’t have to know everything. You don’t have to make all the perfect decisions to know that God’s will for your life is being done. You may not see it happen, you may not understand that it’s happening, but He is doing it.  Just obey God’s Word and let Him do the rest.